Friday, January 15, 2016

The B Word

Dear Parents, Family, and Friends,
        Guess what?! I actually have things to talk about! yay! I also have great news of which I will reveal through a poem.
There once was a missionary named Elder Evans
He was quiet dashing and charming, good heavens!
But, try as he might
Brown, Black, or White,
There was ne'er a baptism in sight
But Heavenly Father had pity on this guy
And he received news as sweet as his famous stir fry
A dude that he had taught
Had gotten off his butt
And would be baptized
      So long story short, back in Kemah, I was teaching the older brother of a recent convert (Fabio.) Everybody said, including Fabio, that he would never be baptized. However, as I quote from an email from long ago, "We have an investigator named Ronnie who I am going to baptize, even if it kills me." Drawing from my man, Tim McGraw, saying  "Can't tell me nothin," I taught him almost every lesson until I got transferred. He was really getting close when I left but his ridiculous work schedule was preventing him. Well guess what? He cut back in hours and....... wait for it........ was BAPTIZED! YAY! and who went the baptism? Me!!! 1 point Gryffindor!
     Then a few days later we met two kids of a less-active woman, who want to go to be baptized and so we're going to baptize them too! Baptisms for everyone! I'll let you know how that goes as the month progresses. 
That's pretty much it!
Love you all,
Elder Evans

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Weirdest Week of My Mission, White Christmas

Dearest Parents, Family, and Friends
            Sooooo this weeks been a bit weird.... As you know, I got transferred last week and so I spent the next couple days saying goodbye to everyone and a couple members even cried. It was poopy but I got everybody's info and they made me swear that I'd come back and see them soon. I can't believe I would voluntarily go back to Texas! So Wednesday went to our big transfer meeting and it was the wackest transfer I have ever been to. I know Pres. Hall is ordained to be our president and all... but he is making very weird decisions all the time. I'm fairly certain he just has everybody's picture and a dart board... "(Thwang) Oh sorry Elder Smith, looks like your going to be companions with a sister this time!"
        So in Pres Hall fashion, I'm now in an english area called "Shaddow Creek" that's just 5 minute from my old ward, so its kinda nice. Also, I'm in a trio with the Zone Leaders Elder Deans and Elder Dawes and they're super cool, Elder Dawes has the same time as me in the mish and Elder Deans has a little over a year, so we're vets at this. 
         Friday we got to go to the temple because Elder Dawes had a convert who was getting endowed and sealed to his wife. Except when we got there the session was completely full and only two of us could go in, so I decided that I could just do something else and let the other two go. Lucky for me, the stake second councilor from my last stake, Pres. Peterson, who I'm homies with, rolled up and said that I could be his son for some sealings he was doing with his wife. And it was awesome! So I did that, felt the spirit like crazy and then got to go sit in the celestial room by myself for like 20 minutes. The spirit was like a fire burning on the dance floor, wooah. Sealings are my favorite thing now.
That's Pretty Much It,
Elder Evans

Dearest Parents, Family, and Friends,
           Goooooddnnneesss, it feels like I'm in another mission now! I went from disorganization, drama, excitement, and slight apostasy to order, wealth, solid leadership and doctrinal understanding. Sadly, I kind of miss the disorganization, drama, etc... There was never a dull moment with the hispanics. Now I get fed every night and the ward wouldn't collapse on itself if we didn't show up. Its weird. 
            Anyways, it was a good week. My companions and I are having a blast! This might be my favorite companionship yet. It's the perfect blend of working hard and having fun! But, based on my current companion record, there is a good chance I'lll leave this transfer or they will because I've never had a companion two transfers in a row. Can you believe I've had 16 companions so far? That must be some sort of record. Maybe Heavenly Father just knows that I'd probably kill anyone after 6 weeks with them for 24 hours a day. It's better than being stuck with the same person for 6 months!
             I can't really remember exactly what happened this week, it was just lots of talking to people and handing out "A Savior is Born" cards to everyone (I can quote that dang video word for word now!), so its just a big ol' blur. Thursday we had a leadership conference and I went because my companions are ZL's and I promoted myself to Zone Secretary. It was an 8 hour long meeting. I about died. I'm trying not to be negative so I'm just not going talk about what went on there. 
             Hopefully this next week will be a little bit more eventful!
Peace, Love, and Harmony
Elder Secretary Evans

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Elder Evans the Kid

Dearest Parent, Family, and Pardners,
           I have come more in touch with my wild side this week. We were talking to our cowboy investigators and they mentioned how they have had a ton of rats since their last cat got stepped on by a horse. It just so happened that the day before, Rodrigo told us that they wanted to get rid of some of their cats because they have 12 or so and they kept multiplying and replenishing their yard. So I thought, " Oh we'll just take those cats to the ranch, super easy." As it turns out, feral cats don't like to be held, carried, and especially not put in a cat carrier. I'd like to quote a scripture for this one "Yea, and it came to pass that much blood was shed in that day, lo, insomuch that I did curse under my breath and did curse the feral cats, yea, even unto cat damnation, for they were mean." Fortunately, the ranch has rat hunters now, who also have a taste for human flesh. 
           We also went to the temple as a mission Friday. We had to get up at 3:45 to get there on time but it was still pretty great. I only fell asleep 5 or 6 times but it looked like I was praying, so it was cool. Then afterwards we had a talk from our president about how important it is to get married and how to identify our future spouses. Then he lectured us about our mission flirting too much. So it was like: Here missionaries, these are some coupons for some great fast food and some recipes for brownies and cake... but you are all fat, so eat healthier. So needless to say, there are some mixed signals being sent. Other than that, it was a great temple trip. 
            Then that weekend our ward had our primary program and, I tell yah, you've never lived until you've seen 20 hispanic kids sing songs and give little talks. Also, my companion, Elder Reed is getting transferred, so pray that I can tolerate my new companion.

Peace, Love, and Harmony
Elder Evans


Tuesday, August 18, 2015


Dearest Parents, Family, and Friends
           So as I sat at the computer and started to write my letter,I realized I couldn't think of anything to write. So then I decided I would look in my planner to see what I wrote down last week to jog my memory a little. As it turns out, I don't remember the last week of my life at all because nothing I wrote down sounds even familiar. As a result, I have concluded that I have contracted MZD or Mission Zombie Disorder. Through my experience in the mission field, this disease is quite common in missionaries who have gone past their year mark. Common symptoms: Inability to recall facts about movies, music, actors, etc., Humor revolves around church jokes, Assumption that everyone in a shirt and tie are also missionaries, The past seems smushed into one giant day, and referring to yourself in your thoughts as Elder Evans. Sssoooo pretty much I'm losing my mind, especially that last one symptom, that one is weird. Even in my dreams, people from my past call me Elder Evans! 
           Other than that, I do remember that we found this super awesome 21 year old guy named Rodrigo and his girlfriend and they think the Book of Mormon is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Which means future baptism, hopefully that I'll be able to see!
And that's all I have to say about that.

Peace Love and Harmony,

Elder Evans (Dang it, I mean Paul or Alex)
Me and the gluten free gang (little Omar snuck in for this photo)

Me and Omar with his dad

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


My Fellow Americans (And Canadians) ((And Where ever Sam Came From)),
     I may think that Texas is hot and ugly, but they really pulled through this time. 'Twas a good week. Last Monday, while we were at the library doing family history, we got harassed by some drunk guy who said he was a Jehovah's Witness and that he didn't understand why Mormon's and Jehovah's Witnesses hate each other. (I feel that this would best told with a super long, run-on sentence) So then I explained to him that we don't and then he told me that we do, so then I told him that he should leave and then he told me that he shouldn't, so then I told him that he was drunk and he told me that he wasn't, so I asked him what was in his gas station soda cup and he said it was Dr. Pepper, so then I told him that his Dr. Pepper smelled a lot like beer and he told me it wasn't, so then he said it was a free country and he could do what he wanted and then I told him that it isn't, so then I told him to leave and then he did. 
       After that I went on exchanges again with a giant Tongan named Elder Heitonga, who I  love dearly. He doesn't speak english super well or have any fear of death or pain. So it's like playing with a giant, out of control gorilla who knows basic English. I love it. Then nothing really happened until Forth of July when at 1:00, we had lunch with some members from the English ward, who like us better than the English Elders. It was the first american food I've had in forever. I ate 3 whole burgers and then wanted to throwup #GodBlessAmerica. After that, we went to Marc's (Our eternal-investigator friend guy) and we watched the fireworks on his roof. It was dope!
         I also forgot to mention that we had a conference with our new Mission President, President Hall. He's a homie for sure and super funny. He's a lot like Pres. Ashton on rules and stuff. So lots of focus on following the spirit. I think he is going to be great. This mission needs a little more energy pumped into it. He also mentioned something about a Texas Houston South Mission facebook you can see whats up with everything

And that's it all I have to say about that,
Love, Peace, and Harmony
Elder Evans

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

3 weeks of emails

Subject: Gluten Wars: The Return of The Gluten, May 26, 2015

Dearest Padres, Amigos y Familia
               So this letter may be a bit short because my old nemesis, Gluten, got a lucky hit in this week and knocked me out for a solid 3 days and a half. I'm all good now, so no worries. Other than that life's been same old, same old, I don't really have any good stories to tell. I've started to get to know the members more and our investigators too, they're super dope. There is one named Ronnie, who is a 26 year old from Guatemala and we invited him to get baptized yesterday and he agreed. 
                This Saturday we also had a late Mother's Day party for the branch and I was assigned to bring a salad along with two of the sister missionaries. So we decided to have a competition to see who could make the best salad. You already know that I straight blew them out of the water with a delicious summer salad accented by succulent blue berries and crisp apples. Now they owe me ice cream. The party was fun. All of the recently baptized 22 year old's came (there is like 7 of them)  and I affectionately refer to them as "the Squad" and I am their gringo leader. So me and the squad had a blast as we hate food and listened to the members do terrible spanish karaoke. 
                My companion is still interesting. He is very dramatic and loves to oppose every and all ideas. So of course, I endlessly torment him and push his buttons.  I know that's wrong, but I'll repent later. Other than that we just don't talk a whole lot.
That's all I've got to say about that.
Elder Evans

 Tough Week of Driving- June 1, 2015
Dear Parents, family and friends,
        Oh what a week I've had! Unfortunately, all the flooding didn't really do a whole lot to my area, so I missed out on all the excitement. I've heard that my last area got decimated, a tornado even destroyed one of the apartments we used to go to. I, however, did not have very much fun as I just concluded the worst week of driving I've ever had. First, we went to the temple on Thursday and when we were driving back there was a ton of stop and go traffic. So I was driving all tranquil like and then all of a sudden, the car in front of the car in front of me stopped. So the car in front of me stopped super fast and almost hit the car. Well, I, unfortunately, wasn't so lucky and didn't have as much space to stop. So I slammed on the breaks and gently kissed the car in front of me's bumper. We got out inspected the damage and absolutely nothing happened to our car and their car had a tiny tiny dent where the screws of my license plate poked him. I thought for sure he would of said "nah you can't even tell" because you couldn't, but he filed an insurance claim anyways. What a pooper. Then two days later I did a little number on our car when I pulled out of a parking spot and turned to soon. The picture looks way worse than it actually was bbbbuuttt it was still pretty bad. But, before you say anything about it mother and father, may I remind you of our Jeep and the door on the the Trailblazer. I will be without car for a couple days (which is terrible in this heat) while the car goes into the body shop.
         Other than that, the week has been fairly boring, the temple was awesome. Afterword, the temple president and president Ashton had a question answer session for about 3 hours. I learned some deep stuff about the pre-existence which I very much enjoyed.
And that's pretty much it.
Peace, Love, and Harmony
Elder Evans

June 8, 2015
Dear Parents, Family and Friends,
        As you may recall, our car is still in the shop from my little "run-in" with a pole, so we've been on our bikes this whole week. So this is all I have to say:
IT'S SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!
I don't really have much else from this week other than that. Probably because my brain is melted.
Elder Evans

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Wedding day and Celiac Wars: Return of the Gluten

Querido  Familia y Amigos,
           This week has been a bit of a change up, not really surprising that we didn't do a lot of proselyting like always. Both Tuesday and Wednesday I went on exchanges to other areas with some other Elders from out of zone, which was fun. Tuesday I went out with Elder Gilbert, whose from the Virgin Islands and we biked all over the place in 85 degree weather and continued to wonder why people live in Houston. Then we switched again and I went to the area of Elder Tew, who I love. We had a grand ol' time helping this food bank move bulk food from a truck to warehouse and, sadly to say, I think I'm going to give up my dream of being a dock worker, It's just not for me. Luckily I got to giant packs of Gatorade as reward and I've managed to keep my roommates from stealing some of them, those dirty vultures. 
           The rest of the week was pretty standard until Saturday, when the other Elders' investigator Hermana Murray (Pronounced More-Eye, I don't get it either) got married to her boyfriend of 11 years. We had a fat party/ceremony and I was selected as wedding photographer (photos to be sent) and it was super fun. Then we had her baptism the next day and it was beautiful. 
           Other than that, Carlos (an investigator) is still being a real champ. He couldn't come to church though because he had work again, but he's super excited.
And that's pretty much it!

Elder Evans

Dearest Family and Friends,
           So it's been another one of those nothing weeks! I just looked through my planner to see what we did and as I read what I had written, I could not remember any of it. All I can remember of this week is that 1) I'm getting transferred and 2) Carlos is having some legal problems with his significant other back in El Salvador, so he's getting deported! That's kind of a bummer. He's all sad about it and says that there's pretty much no way he can move back. And 3) one of the members made me us Waffles this week. Gluten free for me and regular for the other guys. We had a bunch left over and she put them in separate bags to put in our freezer for later enjoyment. Unfortunately, when we got home it occurred to us that we hadn't marked which bags were which and both bags and waffles were identical. Had they been normal waffles I would have just given them away, but these waffles were desirable above all other waffles. I had to eat them, lest I parish in depression. So we set up a panel of taste tests and sight tests and it was decided which was which. Then I ate the waffles. And you know what? I ate the wrong waffles. Then I pretty much laid around all day with internal anguish. I feel better now, but I'm still a bit sensitive to random stuff, like when I was home
That's It,
Elder Evans