The Journey to the Center of Me

Querido Padres y Amigos,

            Finally, an eventful week. Well actually two crazy days and some nice nothingness in between. First of all, I would like to share a spiritual experience... hehe (you will understand this dad pun in two or three sentences) This last Tuesday I was on divisions with Elder Landerose, my favorite Mexican. Later in the evening, we stopped in the church for a second or two to sit down because Elder Landerose wasn't feeling so hot. So we were just sitting in one of the classrooms for about 2 minutes and then we heard the front door of the church open. I said to Elder Landerose "who's here" and we heard people walking and women's voices talking. But, it was quiet and we couldn't understand what they were saying. Then being the gentleman that we are, E' Landerose and I got up to go say hello. I walked out of the room and started to say "Hola Hermanas" and then I realized there was nobody there. I was confused and realized that they probably went into the chapel. We walked in and again nobody was there. That's when I started freaking out a little. I looked at E' Landerose and asked if he heard the women too and he said he had. Then he suggested that they might be in the bathrooms or in one of the other classrooms. So we went and checked every single room near the front door. Still nobody. E' Landerose then said "do you here that?" and I heard voices and them walking over around the corner from the room where we had been sitting earlier. "I asked him "how did they get passed us?" because the church is "L" shaped and the only way they could get to that point was to walk down the hall where we had been the entire time. E´ Landerose and I started to almost run towards the sound because we were a little scared at that point. We kept getting closer and closer and the sounds were getting louder and louder. But when we finally turned the corner.... nothing... Drawing on all the knowledge I had of scary movies, I concluded that I was both funnier and uglier than E' Landerose and I created a scary movie order of death chart [First to die to last: Angry loner guy, then Beautiful dumb girl, then the Funny guy, then the nerd, then the Best friend, and then the Good looking lead character (who possibly lives)] I was able to then calculate that I would die way before E' Landerose and I ain't no supporting character. So we left real fast. The moral of that story is that Ghosts are real and that movies really do help in real life situations. If you want to work on securing movie rights to our adventure, I would like to be played by Ewan McGregor, Elder Landerose by Antonio Banderas and the ghosts by Sandra Bullock and Keira Knightley.

        On a completely different note, I had my intestinal biopsy last Friday and it wasn't very fun. I sat down on the doctor bed-table-thing and the doctor told me to lay down on my side. He sprayed some numbing stuff in my mouth so I couldn't talk very well. Then he pulled over this giant cart that looked like it was used for torture in a cold war era Russian prison. Attached to it was a gaint hose, about the width of my pinkie and a flash light at the end of it. I said to him "If you think this is going to get me to talk and betray my country, you're dead wrong you Filthy Pinko Commie." but it came out like a bunch of gibberish because my mouth was too numb. He then picked up the hose and proceeded to explain what he was going to do and then the real fun started. You have never really lived until someone has shoved a yard of plastic tubing down your throat. I'm not going to lie, I gagged and drooled all over myself like a newborn baby. Then he told to look at the T.V. screen on the Cart O' Death. I could see inside of me. It was red and gross. The worst part is that while watching it on the screen I could feel it moving through my body like an alien. Then it pulled three nice pieces of my intestinal wall out of me and put it in a bottle. At that point, I started telling all the secrets I knew about our nation but it probably just sounded like crying. After he pulled it out of me and sent me home, I slept for like 3 hours from the PTSD that I got. It was a good time.

        Other than that, teaching wise, its been a pretty uneventful week. Everybody is still working on the their papers and we're getting closer! Its going to be in the 95s this week, though, and I am not particularly excited to go outside anymore. 

Thats It!

Love,

Elder Evans

Re: Average Week

 Querido Padres y Amigos,
>             A peaceful week in the Grand City of General Pico for once! I'm feeling better. I'm trying to aviod gluten now the best I can. I don't like it, though. It's like I watched all my favorite foods abandon me at once. It's like I'm getting over a bad break-up and I'm not sure I will ever find love again... At least ice cream is back on my side.
>             At the very least, I have very good news. Elder Giliam was transfered to my district!! Back together again! The Dream Team! So we get to live together and everything and its awesome. He's doing well to. His spanish is at about the same level as mine and he has become a real good missionary. I'm super happy about that, even if its only for one transfer.
>              General McCord and I had a big fight this week. He got super mad at me because he said me and the district aren't respecting him as a leader. So then I told him  that we don't like being yelled at. Then he told me that he can yell at us because Christ yelled at the Pharisees and we are acting like Pharisees. Then there were lots more equally ridiculous statements from him. I'm not sure if we fixed anything, but he calmed down. So it's all good for now.
>               All of our investigators are doing well. David is coming back from Rosario (a city north of here) with all his marriage papers for Marta and him. So with any luck they should be getting married in two weeks! Also we have two other investigators named Maira and Emanuel, who have been investigators for a very long time, but are getting their act together and trying to get married, like always. Merwiage is wut bwings us togefer.
>
> Thats about it
> Love,
> Elder Evans

These are our spirit animals on the back of our plaques

Don't Let the First Sentence Freak You Out

Querido Padres, Familia, Amigos y Sam

            So this may go down as the worst week of my life (on paper at least!). Don't Worry, though, I'm still in my typical cheery, go-lucky mood. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm still good. There's a lot of stuff to talk about today, so I'm going to start at the beginning.

             On Monday, P-Day was great. That girl from France, that I had been talking to along time ago wrote me, so I was very pumped about that. Then, when I was walking from the cyber cafe, super happy, this random dog just ran up to me and for no reason, bit me in the leg. So now I've got some nice litle teeth marks on my calf. Luckily he didn't bite through my pants. I can heal, but my pants can't.

              Then Tuesday, the zone leaders called me amd told me that I was going to Santa Rosa in the morning to get my test results. I told them that they wouldn't be ready yet, but the zone leaders wouldn't listen. So I went all the way to Santa Rosa (a 2 1/2 hour bus ride) and I was supposed to go back to General Pico after a couple of hours. The tests weren't ready until the next day. Then, Elder Davalos (the zone leader) casually told me that I wasn't going home until later in the night because there was no one to be with his companion and E' Davalos was leaving. I was fine with that so I worked with his companion all night. Then when I called E' Davalos to see when I was going home, he said that I wouldn't actually go home until the next day because he didn't have anyone to be with his companion. I was obviously a bit angry with that, and told him I only had the clothes on my back and nothing else. He did this weird high-pitched laugh thing that he does when he doesn't know what to do and hung up. So I spent the night there without being able to shower, brush my teeth or even change my clothes (I was super sweaty because its really hot now). Then when we were getting ready I told E Davalos to call my companion so he would be there to pick me up and he said he'd do it when we got to the bus station. Then we got to the bus station I asked again and he said he'd do it after my bus left. Then after a lovely nap filled bus ride, I got to Pico and realized that nobody was there. I then realized that I didn't like Elder Davalos. So I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" and I decided that Jesus would walk. I walked 30-ish minutes by myself to our house. It felt super weird. When I got to the house nobody was there. I then had the prompting to check the back door (thank goodness for the Holy Ghost). I hopped the fence and checked the back door. It was unlocked. I was so very happy. (One of the other Elders swears that it was revelation that he forgot to lock the back door.) I then sat alone in the house listening to Phantom of The Opera and singing my heart out for 3 hours because I had no way to contact anyone. It was wonderful when the others came back because I was super bored.

                 Friday morning, I went to the doctors (I made Elder Davalos go get the results because he owed me) and the doctor told me what's going on. So it turns out that I have celiac disease. It'san auto  immune  disease that effects how my villi in my small intestine grow. When I eat gluten, my system attacks itself and I get sick and feel bad. It really expains why I have always had a terrible time with stomach stuff. Its the reason I am Lactose intolerant. It now means that I can't eat anything with gluten anymore, which will be a bit difficult because they don't have anything here but gluten. Luckily when my intestines heal, I'll be able to digest milk and ice cream again. Apparently its genetic, so watch Megan and Sam carefully. 

                 Don't worry about me though, I'll be fine. I'm lucky that I'm in a very spiritual stable state, so I have a lot of help from our Heavenly Father. I found a little scripture in 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9. It says "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed" It's a bit dramatic for my situation but its a good one. I am still working along. I'm still alive. I'm still doing a good work. And for that I am happy.

Love you all,

Elder Evans

attached is a photo of me celebrating halloween as my favorite phantom