Ain Da Twa Low Yamala (May I Go to the Bathroom)

Nei- Kaun Ye-La, (How are you?)

     So last week, I had the pleasure of going on exchanges twice with Elders Ames and Simram, our very own Burmese speaking elders. So as you can imagine, I speak Burmese fluently now. I'm not even entirely sure where Burma is (I don't even think that's the name of the country, its Mynamar or something) or why there is a bunch of people from there hanging out in Houston,Texas, but its pretty cool. They apparently speak a mixture of indian and chinese which sounds like a really nervous person trying to sing a love song to a goat but the only song they know is a backwards Dr Suess book sung by Alanis Morissette. I hope that description adequately describes the subtle nuances of that language.

       Unfortunately, Elder Simram's and Ames' other companion is about to get transferred and they really want me to replace him so they have someone that can speak to the spanish people for them. They even asked the mission president. So there is a small possiblity that I may be the next Spanish, Burmese, and English speaking missionary in the history of the church! Hopefully not, though. I don't even like Alanis Morissette.

      Other than that, my week was good. Elder Escobar and I are still having a grand ol' time together and we're working super hard to get the ward to stand on its own a bit more, which is coming along. Still haven't found any real investigators yet. We are currently trying to encourage the members for referrals (Please give your missionaries referrals, you don't have to go with them or anything but a "just stop by this address and see if they're interested" is ssoooo nice.) 

That's all I got!

Love,

Elder Evans

      

Burmese Elders (missionaries)

At the Houston Temple.   

 My new companion, Elder Escobar

The Book of Elder Evans

Chapter 36

Elder Evans buys expensive steak - Elder Evans slaughters many - Elder Evans complains - Elder Evans complains some more

1. I, Elder Evans, being born of chill parents, do write a few things concerning the welfare of my soul.

2. And it came to pass, on the second day of the week, also being called P-day, there was much jubilation and happiness in the land in celebration of the birth of Elder Evans, insomuch that there was not a soul in Houston who did not party accordingly.

3. And Elder Evans and his companions did go forth and feast in a place called Outback Steakhouse and, lo, much of their gold, silver, and other precious metals were lost in pursuit of savory steaks.

4. Having been satisfied, Elder Evans and his companions did go to a p-day activity of which the entire zone was involved.

5. And there was much joy found therein, where as Elder Evans did play dodge ball with all his might, insomuch that both Elders and Sisters did fall before his vengeful hand.

6. Nevertheless, the people did harden their hearts against Elder Evans and did propose that basketball would be played; and all, save a few faithful sisters, followed to play basketball.

7. And it came to pass that Elder Evans did murmur exceedingly and did cry unto the people: "Repent ye, Repent ye, for behold, Basketball doth lead its players speedily down to destruction and endless misery and wo! For dodge ball is but the only path to p-day happiness." 

8. And it came to pass they did reject the cries of Elder Evans saying "Shut up Elder Evans, get off the court." and did continue in their abominations, yea, even playing basketball for 2 hours.

9. And Elder Evans did don sack clothe and did pour ashes upon his head, for great was his mourning and lamentations.

10. And thus ended the nineteenth year in the life of Elder Evans. 

I'm tired of writing like that. Anyways, the rest of the week was a bit rough. My hands and knees have been hurting a lot, especially when I ride bikes.I talked to the doctor and he's pretty sure I've got Arthritis and there's pretty much nothing I can do about that. That's bit of a bummer, but maybe I won't have to ride bikes that much! I also got a cold the last part of the week and Elder Lambourne told me that sleeping was bad because it wastes the Lord's time and doesn't show faith. So, I carefully pondered his words and took a couple naps anyways. Now I feel ssssoooo much better. We still can't find any real investigators, so that's a bit frustrating, but we're still working hard! 

Thanks for the birthday wishes and stuff!

Love,

Elder Evans

I am 20

Dearest Parents and friends,

       So this has been a much more interesting week than the last, luckily. Now I have stuff to write about! 

        The first part of the week was pretty drab. We were straight struggling to find people. We would talk to people on the streets, next door neighbors, pretty much anybody. After that wasn't really working, we started really trying to press the members for referrals and we didn't get any good ones. Then we decided that we, from the excellent advice of my companion, would get wwaayyy strict on ourselves, just to make sure that every last drop of fun was sucked out of missionary work (because, after all, the last thing the Lord wants us to enjoy these two years.) Then things really began to change!! Except it didn't and nothing happened. As a result, proving myself to be always the rationalist, I suggested that we instead of trying to be unnecessarily obedient we try being unnecessarily non obedient. I theorized that increase in rule breakage would then show Heavenly Father how willing we were to please him, by not pleasing him at all. For some reason, this idea was thrown out before even getting to see a jury. Facing that defeat, I then proposed a compromise, entailing that we would work our hardest and keep the rules, but try not to worry so much and have a little faith. This plan was accepted with open arms. Now we've found some good people that may turn out to be sweet investigators.

        We also went to church Saturday night. We were trying to find an apartment and we came across these people that we had contacted the day before who were going to their church. So we decided to go with them. I'm not going to lie, the Centro Hispanio Iglesia Pentecostal is not the true church. Actually, I'm not even sure if it is a church. However, it was the sweetest party I've  ever been too. There were lasers, fog, a super sweet band and a preacher that ran in circles on the stage like a little boy who was about to cry because he couldn't find his mom. I really felt the spirit, especially when the preacher told the audience that they were sinners over and over again. I also enjoyed when the preacher pulled a big stack of cash out of his pocket to show everyone how generous he was giving to the church. It was great.

        That's pretty much it for me. I'm 20 now and that's weird.

         Love,

         Elder Evans

(

To Whom It May Concern

Dearest Parents and Friends,

           I am writing this letter with heavy heart as I must inform you that, my companion and leader, Elder Lambourne, has made it known that from this point forward there shall be no speaking in the language of those heathens and commoners in the street. I must say that I find the idea quite preposterous. The very act of "talking street" brings me much joy and may I dare say it tickles my fancy! Now, as any well-bred and educated gentleman must do, I have begun a protest by speaking like this. It has not had a noticeable effect, but I believe, with time, it will do my opponents in. (What fun, the hunt!) This country was founded on such ideals and I will exercise my right to do so. If I wish to speak like an idiot, by George, I will. CAUSE YA CANT KEEP DIS MAN DOWN AIGHT?!?!

          Any who, this has been a pretty average week, we didn't do anything particularly exciting, except go to the medical district twice. The medical district is almost 15 or so GIANT hospitals that are super cool looking. We give blessings to sick members from all over there since its in our area. It makes me want to live in the city so very much. (Sorry Grass Valley, but now that we've spent some time apart, I've realized that our relationship is just going nowhere. We had fun and I'll always treasure the time we spent together but I think we just need to see other people. I think an older guy would be so much better for you, especially a retired one. It's not you, it's me... actually its totally you. Love Elder Evans.)

           Other than that it's been good. I totally ate it the other day riding my bike. You know how you are supposed to go at a curb straight, with good speed, and a little jump right before?  I didn't. 

            I also found out one of the sisters in my ward is from Argentina, so we went over to her house, drank mate, and had a grand ol' time.
           We work with many of the less active and active members. It's kind of a weak ward, so we're focusing on that. We also got a new bishop. He's from Mexico, I think. The funny thing is his wife is from Alberta! I don't know where but I'll find out.

And that's all I have to say about that,

Love,

Elder Evans

Standard Letter

Dearest Family and Friends,

            I don't know what to write about, this mission is actually kind of boring. Not to complain, but I haven't even feared for my life even once! And all the missionaries are great, no real crazy ones and the rules are easy to follow. I have nothing to complain about, nothing to ironically criticize or grossly exaggerate!!! I don't even know who I am anymore! I just sit in a car, visit people and sometimes ride my bike (I'm getting way better but going up onto sidewalks seem to be.... curbing my progress....). Elder Lambourne is still great, we have good fun together. Elder Reed is still struggling. He just wants to go home so very bad.

            I like speaking spanish here but everybody makes fun of how I speak Argentine Spanish, especially the kids because they think I'm saying it wrong. Luckily, there is an Argentine lady in our ward and I'm going over to drink mate and speak Argentine words. I actually have to change a lot of my speech because nobody understands. I'm so exotic. I dont understand why the people don't think  its weird when we just walk up and speak spanish to them. It doesn't even phase them. I would be really surprised if somebody just walked up to me speaking perfectly good english in the middle of Mexico.

             I also gave a talk on Sunday about why we need the Atonement, and I had to write it in an hour. However, despite the time setback, I won an oscar for best actor, best supporting role went to the sister missionary who talked before me and I think the soundtrack is up for a grammy. My manager is talking about a tour but I want to focus on my studio career. We're also talking about tv show syndication, I want Shaun from Psych to play me.

              That's about it,

              Love,

              Elder Evans

        Here's me studying hard...     

This Time I'm Playing for Keeps

Howdy Padres y Amigos,

         OH MY GOODNESS!! First week in the field!! I love being a missionary! This is so much better than the MTC! I'm so nervous!! The Church is SSSOOOOO TRUE!! =)

         Now, that's what I'd be saying if this was my first week and I was a newbie, but it ain't and I isn't. (Except for the "church is true" part, I still say that.. but more spanishy) I'm already a Pro. Been there, done that. That's right parents, that big ol' slice of humble pie turned out to be full of gluten and was exchanged with a nutritious rice cake o' pride! It takes a lot more than disease, bad companions, stress, impoverished living conditions, language barriers and mission change for me to learn humility. I'll have none of that.

         First off, I would like to say that I have not heard "howdy" once since I arrived and am thoroughly disappointed...  Actually this mission is the bomb.com. President Ashton is really cool and more importantly, hates rules! He says we can't grow as real servants of Christ if we can't use our agency and think for ourselves. That means whatever music that we want that helps us feel the spirit, no crazy Bautismo yelling, and no rules on wearing black ties. I like that. The only rule that's new is that we have to be within sight and sound of each other at all times, especially in the apartment. So if I want to go to the bathroom, somebody has to watch me walk down the hall and into the bathroom. It's a bit silly. However, one time I was out of sight for almost 3 seconds and in that moment of sin, I stole 3 cars and robbed a bank. Luckily my companion ran to get me and prevent further issues.

         I actually have two companions, Elder Lambourne and Elder Reed. Elder Lambourne is from West Jordan, Utah and is a Zone Leader. He's dope cause he's exactly the same as Elder Webb, they even have the same voice. My other Companion is Elder Reed, who's from Pocetello, Idaho. I like him too but he's really struggling and wants to go home. Unfortunately for him, nobody else wants him to, so he's still here. We have fun and, luckily, we're in a car area. Unluckily, the other two love riding bikes and we do that a lot. I don't like riding bikes. I can do it well enough, as long as there are no telephone poles, cars, people, potholes, dogs, or fire hydrants and the road is straight with no onlookers.

        My area is called Houston 2, I think and I'm right next to downtown, in a place I like to call "New MexicoHondurasEquadorElSalvadorGuatemalaCuba." I think I have heard English 3 or 4 times in the last week. Its actually pretty cool. I also have an unofficial second language of Ebonics. Here's part of the first lesson "So der was dis dood, Joe Smith and he waz all lookin fo sum church to go to and he was all like "Wut it do, dees churches ain't no good yo!" so he goes how to some trees or somethin, yah know, dat place where ders birds and, yah know plants. Den I forget dah rest but its I tight story, I like it, yah feel me?" The other Elders tell me its just english, but I know its not.

        We haven't taught a lot because last week was crazy but I'll give you more details on that stuff next week.

Here's My Address

6666 Chetway Drive

Houston Texas, 70085

Yo Dawgs, Peace Out!

Love

The artist formerly known as and then again known as,

Elder Evans 

Emergency Transfer!

Querido Padres y Amigos,

           Guess who's not in General Pico now?! This Guy!! Emergency Transfers Baby! I'm now in the city of Bahia Blanca in an area called Villa Cerritos, which means little hills (they certainly dont feel little when I'm walking up them.) I met my new companion Elder Villaseca (Elder Dry Village) and I said "do you speak-a-my language?" and he just smiled and gave me a vegimite sandwich. And he said "I come from land down under, where women..." actually he is from Peru and only speaks spanish. He's pretty dope, but I guess any companion would be an angel after Elder McAngry. I'm also five minutes from the Mission President and I'll probably see him around once a week or so. I talked to him when I got here and it looks like we're going to see how living in a city goes. If it works, I'll probably switch between here and Mar De La Plata for the rest of my mission or something like that. I'm going to give it pretty much till Christmas and if I'm not getting better (I've still got the same old pain), I'm putting my foot down. I've been looking for food since Thursday (when I got here) and sadly, the selection isn't much better so far. I'll keep trying though, and hopefully I'll find something good.

      It's so dang hot now, every day has been in the high 90's, with a flat slap of humidity to throw in there. I have never been so sweaty in all of my life. Here is my schedule now. Wake up sweaty, sweat, shower, sweat in the shower, get out of the shower, sweat, get dressed, sweat, study in a pool of sweat, go out and work, sweat a little more, go back home, sweat, take another shower, and you guessed it sweat. Then sleep like I just got out of a pool! It's awesome.

        I really won't know what happens to my investigators back in General Pico, so that kind of stinks and I'm still 6 months into the mission with zero baptisms, which may be some kind of record! It doesn't really bug me but it sure seems to bug the dang Assistants to the President. They won't leave me alone "You need to baptize Elder!" "Elder! why haven't you baptized yet?!" "Elder its really important to Baptize!"... I wish someone would of told me sooner that I was supposed to baptize or I would of been working way harder these 6 months! The assistants don't particularly like me or my sarcasm but what are you gonna do!? 

      Also, in relation with Christmas skyping, I think I'll be on around 5 or 6 my time, which is around 12 or 1 your time. I'll get more information as we get closer, but it'll probably be that. 

Con mucho amor,

Elder Evans