Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Journey to the Center of Me

Querido Padres y Amigos,
            Finally, an eventful week. Well actually two crazy days and some nice nothingness in between. First of all, I would like to share a spiritual experience... hehe (you will understand this dad pun in two or three sentences) This last Tuesday I was on divisions with Elder Landerose, my favorite Mexican. Later in the evening, we stopped in the church for a second or two to sit down because Elder Landerose wasn't feeling so hot. So we were just sitting in one of the classrooms for about 2 minutes and then we heard the front door of the church open. I said to Elder Landerose "who's here" and we heard people walking and women's voices talking. But, it was quiet and we couldn't understand what they were saying. Then being the gentleman that we are, E' Landerose and I got up to go say hello. I walked out of the room and started to say "Hola Hermanas" and then I realized there was nobody there. I was confused and realized that they probably went into the chapel. We walked in and again nobody was there. That's when I started freaking out a little. I looked at E' Landerose and asked if he heard the women too and he said he had. Then he suggested that they might be in the bathrooms or in one of the other classrooms. So we went and checked every single room near the front door. Still nobody. E' Landerose then said "do you here that?" and I heard voices and them walking over around the corner from the room where we had been sitting earlier. "I asked him "how did they get passed us?" because the church is "L" shaped and the only way they could get to that point was to walk down the hall where we had been the entire time. E´ Landerose and I started to almost run towards the sound because we were a little scared at that point. We kept getting closer and closer and the sounds were getting louder and louder. But when we finally turned the corner.... nothing... Drawing on all the knowledge I had of scary movies, I concluded that I was both funnier and uglier than E' Landerose and I created a scary movie order of death chart [First to die to last: Angry loner guy, then Beautiful dumb girl, then the Funny guy, then the nerd, then the Best friend, and then the Good looking lead character (who possibly lives)] I was able to then calculate that I would die way before E' Landerose and I ain't no supporting character. So we left real fast. The moral of that story is that Ghosts are real and that movies really do help in real life situations. If you want to work on securing movie rights to our adventure, I would like to be played by Ewan McGregor, Elder Landerose by Antonio Banderas and the ghosts by Sandra Bullock and Keira Knightley.
        On a completely different note, I had my intestinal biopsy last Friday and it wasn't very fun. I sat down on the doctor bed-table-thing and the doctor told me to lay down on my side. He sprayed some numbing stuff in my mouth so I couldn't talk very well. Then he pulled over this giant cart that looked like it was used for torture in a cold war era Russian prison. Attached to it was a gaint hose, about the width of my pinkie and a flash light at the end of it. I said to him "If you think this is going to get me to talk and betray my country, you're dead wrong you Filthy Pinko Commie." but it came out like a bunch of gibberish because my mouth was too numb. He then picked up the hose and proceeded to explain what he was going to do and then the real fun started. You have never really lived until someone has shoved a yard of plastic tubing down your throat. I'm not going to lie, I gagged and drooled all over myself like a newborn baby. Then he told to look at the T.V. screen on the Cart O' Death. I could see inside of me. It was red and gross. The worst part is that while watching it on the screen I could feel it moving through my body like an alien. Then it pulled three nice pieces of my intestinal wall out of me and put it in a bottle. At that point, I started telling all the secrets I knew about our nation but it probably just sounded like crying. After he pulled it out of me and sent me home, I slept for like 3 hours from the PTSD that I got. It was a good time.
        Other than that, teaching wise, its been a pretty uneventful week. Everybody is still working on the their papers and we're getting closer! Its going to be in the 95s this week, though, and I am not particularly excited to go outside anymore. 

Thats It!
Elder Evans

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