Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Book of Elder Evans

Chapter 36
Elder Evans buys expensive steak - Elder Evans slaughters many - Elder Evans complains - Elder Evans complains some more
1. I, Elder Evans, being born of chill parents, do write a few things concerning the welfare of my soul.
2. And it came to pass, on the second day of the week, also being called P-day, there was much jubilation and happiness in the land in celebration of the birth of Elder Evans, insomuch that there was not a soul in Houston who did not party accordingly.
3. And Elder Evans and his companions did go forth and feast in a place called Outback Steakhouse and, lo, much of their gold, silver, and other precious metals were lost in pursuit of savory steaks.
4. Having been satisfied, Elder Evans and his companions did go to a p-day activity of which the entire zone was involved.
5. And there was much joy found therein, where as Elder Evans did play dodge ball with all his might, insomuch that both Elders and Sisters did fall before his vengeful hand.
6. Nevertheless, the people did harden their hearts against Elder Evans and did propose that basketball would be played; and all, save a few faithful sisters, followed to play basketball.
7. And it came to pass that Elder Evans did murmur exceedingly and did cry unto the people: "Repent ye, Repent ye, for behold, Basketball doth lead its players speedily down to destruction and endless misery and wo! For dodge ball is but the only path to p-day happiness." 
8. And it came to pass they did reject the cries of Elder Evans saying "Shut up Elder Evans, get off the court." and did continue in their abominations, yea, even playing basketball for 2 hours.
9. And Elder Evans did don sack clothe and did pour ashes upon his head, for great was his mourning and lamentations.
10. And thus ended the nineteenth year in the life of Elder Evans. 

I'm tired of writing like that. Anyways, the rest of the week was a bit rough. My hands and knees have been hurting a lot, especially when I ride bikes.I talked to the doctor and he's pretty sure I've got Arthritis and there's pretty much nothing I can do about that. That's bit of a bummer, but maybe I won't have to ride bikes that much! I also got a cold the last part of the week and Elder Lambourne told me that sleeping was bad because it wastes the Lord's time and doesn't show faith. So, I carefully pondered his words and took a couple naps anyways. Now I feel ssssoooo much better. We still can't find any real investigators, so that's a bit frustrating, but we're still working hard! 

Thanks for the birthday wishes and stuff!
Elder Evans

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